Posted by: heartsleeve | October 23, 2007

Home

Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Largeman: You’ll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it’s just gone. And you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

I have really complicated feelings toward the word home right now. Too many places to call home. In three, I have physical shelter to call my own. In three, I have people that I love who make it feel like home. In two, I have a bed all my own. In one, a bed I share. In one, a job that is changing my life, and a million opportunities to try new things and meet new people. In another, something even bigger that is changing my life.

It’s confusing and cool and sort of depressing all at once. It feels a little schizophrenic at times, but at the same time, it’s good to know there are so many places in the world where I belong. Sometimes I really want someplace permanent that I can really call my own, but I’m actively resisting the act of settling. Is it weird to want to be a million places at once and to feel as if in some strange way you are actually almost achieving it?

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